just to keep ya in the loop

I am still here...here being at Chch, here being alive, here being still living with Alan...still not sure wat I am suppose to do.

We have talked but I still dont trust him I can't how can I

The funny part of it all if there is a funny part the chick he was emailing is a scam send me money so i can come to you and then never hear again from her and see your money hehehe

funny this should be my next post

my world has come tumbling down

Friday the 13th FUCK I'll say
yesterday friday I found some pretty icky emails and stuf on my partners computer
I confronted him about it Saturday after I came home from a linen party

yeah I wanted to get caught saves me finishing it, was his reply, cowards way I know

the brunt of it is he has been email this chick sending her some expilcide 'stuff'

I feel sick in the stomach, we had a huge argument, turns out I should be working-my fucken stupid linen is a joke, and my listings on trade me a waste of time... funny how this has been bread and butter on the table for over 6weeks

I have cried buckets
I have drunk a bottle of wine (bought for a celebration when I sell the house...wat a fucken joke that is)
I have walked to the lake at end of drive and thought horrid thoughts
but what I havent been able to do is work out wat the FUCK i do from here

I am in debt to the eyeballs nasty debr collecters letters on a daily basic

I have fuck all income
I am stuffed body/health wise
I have no where to go
I am FUCKED

AND I AM OUT OF BLOODY WINE

2am cant go to bed how can I it is óur'bed there is no longer and 'our'

sleep if that is what it is called after a bttle wine..I am going to regret that bttle later but it has dulled the pain just now.

he is in the spare room not asleep

as promised

Alan daughter Brooke aged 3.5

My man Alan hard at work

new friends

I meet a fellow blogger on Sat for coffee we chatted for several hours think this friendship might grow. Also meet a new linen consultant who we seem to have clicked so will see where that goes too. Both live in this area so how good is that.

have a linen meeting on Sunday with the launch of the January sale etc so that will be exciting.

I have booked my airfares and accomodation for Melbourne in Feb, for linen Conference, so god lets hope the house sells SOON

on the house sale front NOTHING and I mean NOTHING has happened with the agent I had she showed 1 person thru no interest at all funny thing the other company have sold over 10 properties in the same time i had mine listed and one house was listed one day and signed up and sold 2 days later so bull there are poeple out there wanting to buy. So I have taken house off there books and listed with another agent this person had contacted me 3 times while house was listed exclucive so couldnt do anything but hope it goes real quick have dropped my price too sadly but if I dnt do sumthing soon the bank will forclose not to mention all the other bills I have I may come out with 10grand but better that than bankrupt. Have an open home on weekend.

so if u know anyone who knows anyone who wants a home in Twizel I know where there is a nice 3 bdroom house just waiting for them to move into.

When I had coffe on Saturday we talked about weight loss and changes to make to foods etc so have made a few wee changes had slipped back into some real BAD habits I need and want to get this weight off.

That being said I went to hospital on Friday to see specailist (I am mending have medication change and some more physio so all in all he was pleased with me Not aloud to go scuba diving drat just wat I wanted to do) I got on hospital scale and I havent gained quite as much as I thought I had but still back up to 146.8k and that is a gain of over 20k and not acceptable.

I have decided to do a 6 k walk in March so need to get some fitness back by then.

best get back to housewrk Alan is home at 4 today so will be nice to have him home for the evening, normally doesnt finish till 8 he is actually on his roster day of but asked to wrk extra so is doing overtime.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING IDEAS GETTING YOU DOWN

FELICITY to the rescue
check out a couple of mas gift list we have for the linen delivered to your door how good would that be.

if you want to know more flick me an email and I'll send you a flier.

Check out the website some amazing gift ideas... www.linenparties.com