well how could u not the sun is out its a glorious day and I have it off I am off for lunch with friends went to movies last night seen the exotic Marigold Hotel with Judi Dench and Maggie Smith as I assumed it would be a delightful movie...then went on to a couple of bars home about midnight...now tell me why I consumed a big bag of potato crisps when I got home after such a great night and feeling good gggrrr I am/was so angry with myself. This morning when I got up I threw the remainder of bag (not much) in the red rubbish bin with all the crapp rubbish which is what they r
Mum is doing ok suppose to be taking it easy but she was washing net curtains the other day ggrr. Her sist is there visiting this week which of course why she was stressing about the house being spotless but it will be good for her to have them there
right best go get this body trussed up and looking glam and gorgeous takes longer these days to get dress cause i give a toss about my appearance not like the old days didnt care what I wore. and i LOVE it
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
well Paul swanned in here this morning looking very sheepish...I suspect he had been contacted by the police cause he knew I had been to see them...he had been with someone who cared he said-FUCK did that hurt. We spoke, mostly loudly on my part whch pissed me off cause I didnt want to loose it but I was so tired and upset about him and Mum I did loose it, he said he probably wouldnt meet a kinder person I said yeah u probably wont but dont worry he had fixed that-kindness isnt going to be topp of my 'to do' list in the future (of course that isnt what will happen because I can't help myself)
He wasnt very happy that his stuff was at his daughters TOUGH. He being with his father was all a lie he never seen him.
I told him that I was just a stop gab until he found something else and the last 11 months was just a game to him he denied it but that is how I feel.
I was upset while he was here hurt angry and lots of other emotions. But after he left I turned on Savage Garden really loud (so Chris in heavan and I could listen together) I washed the dishes I tidied the bench etc and put out side his microwave piece of junk I had forgotten when packing his shit. bloody great heavy thing took up 3/4 of bench wasnt wat we needed. Then I went and had a shower I was so cold and then had a sleep for couple hours feel loads better.
I rung the police while he was here to tell them he had turned up...they rang back an hour or so later to see that I was alright.
He is to 'find' my bike and I'll give him the passports back he wasnt happy about that. Not sure what he meant by that.
he said as he left he'd keep in touch I laughed and said that was a load of shit he couldnt keep in touch when we were together.
I was way to upset to drive to Timaru so i rung Mum again she sounded disapointed but understood...she was also relieved he wasnt dead in a ditch as was I and I said that to him when I opened the door oh well your not dead then.
Another one to put down to experience when and if I ever find someoen else boy will they have some boxes to tick b4 I get past getting to know them.
He wasnt very happy that his stuff was at his daughters TOUGH. He being with his father was all a lie he never seen him.
I told him that I was just a stop gab until he found something else and the last 11 months was just a game to him he denied it but that is how I feel.
I was upset while he was here hurt angry and lots of other emotions. But after he left I turned on Savage Garden really loud (so Chris in heavan and I could listen together) I washed the dishes I tidied the bench etc and put out side his microwave piece of junk I had forgotten when packing his shit. bloody great heavy thing took up 3/4 of bench wasnt wat we needed. Then I went and had a shower I was so cold and then had a sleep for couple hours feel loads better.
I rung the police while he was here to tell them he had turned up...they rang back an hour or so later to see that I was alright.
He is to 'find' my bike and I'll give him the passports back he wasnt happy about that. Not sure what he meant by that.
he said as he left he'd keep in touch I laughed and said that was a load of shit he couldnt keep in touch when we were together.
I was way to upset to drive to Timaru so i rung Mum again she sounded disapointed but understood...she was also relieved he wasnt dead in a ditch as was I and I said that to him when I opened the door oh well your not dead then.
Another one to put down to experience when and if I ever find someoen else boy will they have some boxes to tick b4 I get past getting to know them.
Monday, March 19, 2012
oh for fuck sake
how much more can I take
at 3 this afternoon I offically listed Paul as missing with the police lots of red tape and questions i didnt want to answer but they were very supportive etc
then I went to my councilling and aired a few things and sorted my head a bit driving home from there and get a txt from my aunty ring Twizel NOW what the fuck so rung to be told Mum was in an ambulance on way to Timaru probably heart attack havn't rung yet cause she will hardly be there yet so going to have a bath and then ring but just had to blab to someone cant post on face book cause my son may see it and he hasnt been rung yet I just rung him thats a call I didnt want to make hes in Sydney very close to his grandma and u could tell he was in shock...his job is driving so hope he ok...he was coming oveer end of month for a Wedding hope he doesnt have to come sooner.
at 3 this afternoon I offically listed Paul as missing with the police lots of red tape and questions i didnt want to answer but they were very supportive etc
then I went to my councilling and aired a few things and sorted my head a bit driving home from there and get a txt from my aunty ring Twizel NOW what the fuck so rung to be told Mum was in an ambulance on way to Timaru probably heart attack havn't rung yet cause she will hardly be there yet so going to have a bath and then ring but just had to blab to someone cant post on face book cause my son may see it and he hasnt been rung yet I just rung him thats a call I didnt want to make hes in Sydney very close to his grandma and u could tell he was in shock...his job is driving so hope he ok...he was coming oveer end of month for a Wedding hope he doesnt have to come sooner.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
god I'm all tied in knots now and really stressing-still havnt heard a peep for him I did the big I am thing this morning got up packed all his stuff wasnt much only took just over 20 minutes dropped it at his daughters as I sadi I would the grand gesture but I am truely really worried now so much so i rung the cops he will kill me when he finds out. He hasnt to there knowledge been in an accident she took lots of details and if he hasnt arrived at wrk tomorrow we will list him as missing god what have i done now he will kill me
Had a lovely day between stressing...cleaned the pantry like ya do when worrying
striped the bed wahsed all the linen etc vacummed thru tried keeping busy talked on phone for couple hours to a friend and my mum trying to keep busy
then I took Brooke to the beach for a couple hours took my moind off things for a while had a nice time even walked on the peir I have never mustered up enough courage to EVER do that
right I am exhausted and need to at least try and get some sleep if no other reason i have wrk tomorrow and if he does turn up I dnt want to be so tired i cant keep focused...oh boy is my councillor gonna earn her money tomroow
well a day of cleansing and not a toxic chemical in site
some more decluttering done here hehhe
I had a boarder well that has how its felt for last few months any ways a boarder in my bed...he moved in (not completely just stuff and most nights but an invasion all the same) not sure how I let it happen but it did well after great deliberation and thought filled sleepless nights I have moved what stuff that was here out onto deck and if it isnt gone by this afternoon I'll drop it around to his daughters.
I dont know if he is dead or alive no police reports accidents or death noticed listed I have looked online as ya do
I left here on Wednesday to go out for the day I had already made arrangments he was 'sick' so didnt go to work...i got home about 4 he wasnt here neither was my bike and helmet I might add (He will get back his passport when I get my bike back) So I cooked tea as usual and ate tea alone, got a txt about 8 to say he was at airport picking up his father (coming over from Ozie for a family birthday on the 17th) he and his father didnt have a great relationship so I replied great hope it goes well. Never heard another word until the tursday night I'll be back Friday
um from where I asked no reply...I suspect they he and his dad went to Geraldine or Timaru another elderly family friend had a fall last week broke leg/hip/arm something like that and was in Timaru hospital...just my thoughts I hadnt been told anything. So i thought ok see ya Friday we'll talk then but i'll be giving till Sunday (making time for his family birthday which I might add I hadnt been invited to to happen) well he never came rung txt or didnt any other form of communication Friday Saturday and at 8.35 Sunday i packed his stuff nicely in a case and some bags (shoes etc) and they r on the deck. i am a bit miffed that I never got to say my speech I had prepared and practised but hey never mind.
I meet him on the 19th April last year so just shy of 11months of good and bad times a waste of time
I had a boarder well that has how its felt for last few months any ways a boarder in my bed...he moved in (not completely just stuff and most nights but an invasion all the same) not sure how I let it happen but it did well after great deliberation and thought filled sleepless nights I have moved what stuff that was here out onto deck and if it isnt gone by this afternoon I'll drop it around to his daughters.
I dont know if he is dead or alive no police reports accidents or death noticed listed I have looked online as ya do
I left here on Wednesday to go out for the day I had already made arrangments he was 'sick' so didnt go to work...i got home about 4 he wasnt here neither was my bike and helmet I might add (He will get back his passport when I get my bike back) So I cooked tea as usual and ate tea alone, got a txt about 8 to say he was at airport picking up his father (coming over from Ozie for a family birthday on the 17th) he and his father didnt have a great relationship so I replied great hope it goes well. Never heard another word until the tursday night I'll be back Friday
um from where I asked no reply...I suspect they he and his dad went to Geraldine or Timaru another elderly family friend had a fall last week broke leg/hip/arm something like that and was in Timaru hospital...just my thoughts I hadnt been told anything. So i thought ok see ya Friday we'll talk then but i'll be giving till Sunday (making time for his family birthday which I might add I hadnt been invited to to happen) well he never came rung txt or didnt any other form of communication Friday Saturday and at 8.35 Sunday i packed his stuff nicely in a case and some bags (shoes etc) and they r on the deck. i am a bit miffed that I never got to say my speech I had prepared and practised but hey never mind.
I meet him on the 19th April last year so just shy of 11months of good and bad times a waste of time
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