well Paul swanned in here this morning looking very sheepish...I suspect he had been contacted by the police cause he knew I had been to see them...he had been with someone who cared he said-FUCK did that hurt. We spoke, mostly loudly on my part whch pissed me off cause I didnt want to loose it but I was so tired and upset about him and Mum I did loose it, he said he probably wouldnt meet a kinder person I said yeah u probably wont but dont worry he had fixed that-kindness isnt going to be topp of my 'to do' list in the future (of course that isnt what will happen because I can't help myself)

He wasnt very happy that his stuff was at his daughters TOUGH. He being with his father was all a lie he never seen him.

I told him that I was just a stop gab until he found something else and the last 11 months was just a game to him he denied it but that is how I feel.

I was upset while he was here hurt angry and lots of other emotions. But after he left I turned on Savage Garden really loud (so Chris in heavan and I could listen together) I washed the dishes I tidied the bench etc and put out side his microwave piece of junk I had forgotten when packing his shit. bloody great heavy thing took up 3/4 of bench wasnt wat we needed. Then I went and had a shower I was so cold and then had a sleep for couple hours feel loads better.

I rung the police while he was here to tell them he had turned up...they rang back an hour or so later to see that I was alright.

He is to 'find' my bike and I'll give him the passports back he wasnt happy about that. Not sure what he meant by that.

he said as he left he'd keep in touch I laughed and said that was a load of shit he couldnt keep in touch when we were together.

I was way to upset to drive to Timaru so i rung Mum again she sounded disapointed but understood...she was also relieved he wasnt dead in a ditch as was I and I said that to him when I opened the door oh well your not dead then.

Another one to put down to experience when and if I ever find someoen else boy will they have some boxes to tick b4 I get past getting to know them.